This is how i feel today

sick of sick

I was wiped out sick since Sunday. My life has been a hazy blur of watery waking and fitful dreams. I slept for 12 hour stretches followed by a couple of lazy hours I spent awake on the couch watching bad cable movies and Malcolm in the middle, I ate a fistfuls of potato chips, and passed out again. I took Air Shield and tried to drink water, blew my nose, peed a lot, and slept some more. So to answer that question as to whether or not i got any sleep, yes, sleep took revenge on me like a woman scorned and showed me who was boss! Darn sleep!

Sleep and my lack thereof

I don't know why I can't sleep lately, I t could be my upcoming joint show or that the idea of sleep is repugnant to me that my body rejects the idea all together. I don't feel so bad but I look like shit. There is just some much to do and everything takes more time than anticipated.

I finally finished adding my slide player to my website. It wasn't difficult to do it was just all of these little thing kept being messed up. For instance, I decided to add a title page in front of each section of pictures but didn't notice the insert option that would have made it easy. What I did messed up the spacing there were all these gray lines showing. It also hid the words and the controller. So I fixed that and then noticed the black in picture was lighter then the black in the background on some of them. So I had to go in and change that, however even after fixing the picture in Photoshop and saving back to Flash it would change or went back to an even older picture I had up loaded with a colorful background… so I had erase a bunch of slides re-upload them, resize them, add the words again …etc. After all that it still looks crappy to me. The controls don't line up the way I want them to; the auto play only plays through ½ the images…I guess other then that I like it. It is just so hard to make a creative website that doesn't look like everyone else's and not pay a lot of money. I should just get light box and be done with it but I am bored of it.

It's too busy at work today and Bobby is out so I have to so the mail and shit. I have some much to do for the sow yet! I am getting nervous.

Yoga

I took a Vinyasa class with my pal Danielle, last night. I was told Vinyasa is like cold Bikram, so I thought no problem! Yo, that shit is hard! It really works out your back and arms; they do headstands, backbends, and shit! I am in pain! The instructor was much nicer and more encouraging then Bikram instructors (who are drill sergeants). Afterwards I didn’t feel as great as I do when I take Bikram and I am much sorer.

I wish being in Bikram didn’t feel like being in hell! It feels so good afterwards, but the 90 minutes are the longest minutes ever.

(First diagram shows Bikram poses the second shows Vinyasa)

Monday

One extra hour and I will be free again. Sitting here at my desk the morning craziness has died down and time is growing noticeable. There are so many things I wonder about, but not one of them is apparent to me now. So I sit here idly searching for something fill up my last hour. I don’t feel like reading or drawing or shopping or writing really … So I will make a picture list:

I just watched a documentary on HST, it nearly brought me to tears.

I finshed all the punk rope pictures and began working on my pictures of Enid from Christmas.

I bought this coat today. I like it!

Ursula is out sick today so I am staying late.

It's looks blue here but in reality and hopefully on my card it will be a pinkish color. I don't like it so much in this hue, but they were only $18 so if they suck I still have time to get new ones!

Three Minutes

As soon as you got to the corner and as you were crossing the street, just when you began retelling the story in your mind, you see him. He is a 60something looking guy who was probably only 48, but has lived hard. He was wearing a ski cap, his Hispanic skin was something other then a healthy brown tone, it was in fact ashen and wrinkled, and he had whiskers sticking out of his chin like, Poopdeck Pappy, bright white. He was pushing a blue shopping basket, like the one your grandmother had only hers was red and narrower.

Just as you were deciding whether or not he was homeless or just borderline homeless, you could see him stumbling. He went down kind of slow and you noticed that he almost seemed to propel himself forward, when he could have probably stopped himself from falling over into the gutter completely. It was like he gave up as soon as he tripped and let the momentum have its way with him. You find that you don’t want to get too close to the man, you worry that he purposely flipped himself over to gain your sympathy, when you bent over to give him a hand he’d mug you, and Suzie would get run over by a car.

Still you can’t just leave him there. No one else is around, in a city where every fucking person is up your ass, until you want them to be. You ask if he is ok and he slowly rises nodding his head and saying yes. You wait until he is on his feet. He says thank you as you turn towards your door. That makes you feel guilty for thinking he was going to rob you, not guilty enough to turn around though.