Toys in Red Koney

Jocelyn & Me

We look so well adjusted in that picture.

Wedding # 2

I am off to Oklahoma where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain, and the wavin' wheat can sure smell sweet,when the wind comes right behind the rain. Hattie is becoming Mrs. Bland, this is wedding two in our marathon of weddings, although most people our age have normal friends who marry at around 26-30. I am sure they go to way more weddings then one a month for 3 months. We have tired hard to cultivate the odd, non-marrying kind of friend and few of those to boot. So this is quite a lot of wedding for us.

Destination weddings are great though. Last year I went to Israel for a friend's wedding. This year Jocelyn got married in Montana and now ENID Oklahoma. Good times! Here is a retrospective of Hattie through the years.

World's oldest man has 113th birthday in Japan

AP-Fri Sep 19, 2:58 AM ET

The world's oldest man celebrated his 113th birthday Thursday in southern Japan, telling reporters he wants to live another five years. Tomoji Tanabe, who was born Sept. 18, 1895, received birthday gifts, flowers, a six pack of Bengay and $1,000 cash from the mayor of his hometown of Miyakonojo, on Japan's southern island of Kyushu.

Tanabe told reporters he wants to live "another five years or so," according to city spokesman Akihide Yokoyama. That was a slight downgrade from last year, when he said he wanted to live "for infinity."

“I am 113 years old when I was 112 it was different, I get more tired now, I think 118 is respectable age to die,” Tanabe told reporters yesterday at his birthday celebration.

He also called the Mayor’s gift of $1,000 “cheap” saying that that although he remembers when $1,000 could buy him a new house and 10 “pretty, hardly used” whores, today it wouldn’t get him a new pair of orthopedic sneakers.

The former city land surveyor, who lives with his son and daughter-in-law, is in good health and sticks to the habits that have gotten him this far. He rises early and reads the newspaper each day, drinks milk every afternoon and eats regular meals. He also avoids alcohol and does not smoke, well at least tobacco, opium on the other hand he’s says is “mother’s milk,” and he feels it has played a large part in his longevity.

“Opium and a lot of wild sex,” Tanabe said.

The world's oldest person is 115-year-old Edna Parker, who was born on April 20, 1893, and lives in a nursing home in Indiana.

“I will outlive that bitch, if it’s the last thing I do,” Tanabe spit at reporters when they asked him what he thought of Parker.

Speaking of BenGay, did you know...

Akwardness

Josh as paparazzi hounded rock star

Whachoo lookin' at?

Important service announcement for women-fixed

How to Tell if a Guy Is Cheating

Here are the surprising signs a dude is being unfaithful
By Holly Shitt

1. He’s superprotective of his gadgets. “The main way that trysts are found out is through the discovery of incriminating e-mails, IM chats, cell phone texts, or bills,” says Belisa Vranich, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in New York City. So if every time you are about to touch his Blackberry or IPhone, he punches you hard in the face or gut, that might be a sign cheating.

2. He steps up the grooming.“This is so obvious, but it’s a sign many women miss: If your man starts grooming down there without you requesting it, that could be an indication that he’s spending more time naked,” says Vranich. You can actually thank porn for this tip-off. Guys today are used to viewing manscaped dudes onscreen, so if he has another chick to impress with his sexual prowess, he may emulate those ultra-trimmed guys. Another clue: he shaves a letter into his pubs and it’s not the first letter of your name, he begins showering regularly, and/or he starts buying GQ.

3. He is secretive and spends more time out of the house. Even if he has legitimate excuses, like he claims one of your friends is throwing you a surprise party and he was helping, that’s why he has been whispering on the phone, really secretive, and staying out really late. Then he swears you to secrecy because, if she knew you knew, she’d be so upset that all the planning was for naught, but then the party never happens. So you ask him ‘where’s the party?’ and he says that the friend is hurting financially so she couldn’t afford it anymore and she figured since you didn’t know about it anyway, it wasn’t a big deal, but makes you promise you won’t tell her you know because she’d be mortified. "Don't believe his skanky lying mouth, he's a goddamn cheater," Vranich insists.

4. He smells different. “When he comes home, if he doesn’t smell the same as he did in the morning, he has a fishy pussy smell or he stinks like ass, but not in his ass, more like on his penis, fingers, or mouth,” warns Vranich. Also if you find different textured or colored pubic hair and/or scratch marks on his back that are not yours, as strange as it might sound these too can be signs he is cheating.

5. He doesn't seem jealous anymore. “He was jealous before, but now he suggests you wear a lower cut top when you go out drinking with your friends. Or when he walks into the bedroom and you are fucking the plumber, he simply backs up and shuts the door, but not before giving you a wink and a thumbs up sign. Oddly these are clues that he is cheating on you.”

Vranich adds that if he starts bring home single men your age from work and talking them up after they leave, he might want a divorce.

6. You find him in a compromising position. “If you see him having sex with a person other than yourself,” says Vranich. “You can bet your bottom dollar that he is cheating. No matter what excuse he might give, take it from me, he is a cheating sack of shit, shoot him! I know a great attorney.”

There are a lot of Virgos

I am working on the Virgo Toga Party invite here's what I have so far...what an eclectic group!

I've been upgraded

I got a new computer today and no matter how much of it is transferred over it’s never the same. I have spent this morning trying to make my new computer act like my old computer, which I have succeeded in, as much as I could, but still I am forced to learn new places for things that were just fine where they were. It almost seems like technology is designed now and days to keep the general public occupied relearning MS word and excel every couple of years when they are forced to “upgrade”.

Like facebook, I don’t like the new version. What’s the point? It looks mostly the same, but things are in all differently places and other things are randomly huge. Oh well I guess it keeps you sharp. At least that is what they say. They say doing crossword puzzles, reading, learning something new, and /or thinking hard in general is good for your brain. Sounds logical.

The best quote from the movie Avenger; “it’s better to have your enemy in your tent pissing out, then it is to have him outside the tent pissing in.” –Sam Elliot as Calvin Dexter

Josh and I made up our own Deterisms;

“It’s better to eat the candle on the birthday cake then it is to eat the candle off the birthday cake.”- Josh
“It is better to pick your ass in the woods then it is to have the woods pick your ass in your pants.”- Lisa

Wild West Zelda

My father came over for dinner last night, to collect on my promise of mounds of mashed potatoes as far as the eye can see...He and Di (actually Di, but since he chose to marry her everything Di does for me is thanks to him) watched Suzie while we were in Montana. They brought her home yesterday. Oddly, my father bonded with Suzie and threatened to keep her, much to Josh’s delight.

We showed my dad & Di some of our trip pictures. My father was most surprised about the pictures of me on a horse. I am a city girl, in a city where wild life consists of rats and squirrels, but I think I looked natural on a horse and even though I have to admit I was not feeling countrified when my horse descended a steep mountainside at full speed, but it wasn’t so bad when were on flatter ground. Anyway, here I am with Tracker the horse. What do y’all (that is country speak for "you all") think?

A Palin Scorned

Sarah Palin’s a bitch! Back as Mayor of Wasilla, Palin was nearly recalled, for firing the Police Chief and Library Director for not supporting her in her 1996 race for Mayor. Yes, that's right. Hack n' Sack Sarah didn't even try to hide it. She fired them for "not fully supporting her efforts to govern" (not endorsing her for Mayor). This on the heels of the investigation into her abuse of power as Governor, firing the Public Safety Commissioner when he wouldn't fire her ex-brother-in-law, lied about pressuring the guy to do so, and then showed keen judgment by replacing him with someone who had to resign in two weeks because of sexual harassment problems.

If McCain is elected she has a good chance of becoming President too, since he would be the oldest President ever elected, chances are higher then usual he might croak while in office. Personally I don’t want a President who will hold my lack of support for her party against me! Grow up Palin, maybe if you watched your daughter instead of throwing a hissy fit, because someone dumped your sister and chose not to vote for you, she wouldn’t be an unwed pregnant teen.

Back East

The Republican VP pick is so funny, she's all pro-life, yet premarital sex seems to be cool with God in Alaska. Hey it is really cold, you can’t blame an environmentally conscious junior Palin for finding an alternative heat source. I hope she loses him the election, but knowing the GOP they will win, because eight years of GWB has made us a stupider country. I bet if the whole country took an IQ test 8 years ago and then took another test today the scores would be 12% lower.

Montana was great! The sky is obscene! I went horse back riding and bruised my ass checks! Jake & Jocelyn’s wedding was perfect. And even though it wasn’t my idea to play Hava Nagilah, being the only Jew, I got all the credit. The gentiles loved it we even put Jocelyn in a chair and carried her around a little. Nobody had ever heard Hava Nagilah before! It was great; they were also really shocked that I was Jewish. It was fun to say “oh I filed my horns down before the wedding,” and have people stare, silently searching my face for a smile, before laughing uneasily. They were really nice though, it’s not their faults Jews don’t move to Montana. We like to be near the water; it makes it easier to flee if we have to!

Here are some pics I will post more soon.