one funeral and three weddings

This year has been full of death. My mom in November, Peggy in June, and Rasha in August. But for the rest of the year (or at least next three months) my life will be full of weddings, preferable but still a kind of a death, a death of something I can’t quite wrap myself around. It’s hard to think anything but ‘what’s that point’?!? A downer I know, but life is so conventional. I am tired of the rites and rituals that we deem civilized. Besides none of them will be as life affirming as Rasha’s funeral. And now that it’s over I feel kind of depressed. There’s nothing to work towards anymore, nothing I can do that would be extreme enough, everything is slow, and takes time and dedication, my mind is so fragmented! There is never enough time! How do people do it? Work, make art, take a class, and have a social life? I am such a proponent of prescription speed, I know it would be dangerous, but what isn’t, I would be so productive!


I am sure the weddings will be great and I will have fun and look pretty in my dresses, but it is hard to change modes, go from down to up (maybe it’s a gravity thing). I have to finish the pictures form the funeral so I can post them, but the sunlight was so bright, I have to fix a lot of them. I need a polarizing filter.